When I think of him, the first thing I think of is the 'drunk fits of rage'. Mother didn't see the side of him that we did, he pretended to be her angel, he really didn't like us, he made that known.
one night when julie got mad at mom and they had an argument, Kevin stepped in. He screamed at her, degrading her, and be-littling her to the point that she ran, crying, to her room to hide. "CUNT!" he screamed after her.
I showed any emotions ( a hormonal teenager) and he said he knew I was coming off ecstacy. I wasn't, and hadn't even tried it at that point. This actually drove me to drug use; but i know i can't blame it on him.
One time he threatened to drag me to the back bedroom and "beat the living shit out of me". I told him I would not put up with that. "What the fuck are you going to do?" He pressed. "I don't know" I admitted. I then shut up. I started to spend as much time away as I could, I was scared of what he would do to me.
Before he entered our lives, I was a virgin and wanted to stay that way. His outlook on life soon rubbed off on me. I had sex with a guy with a STD, then another, then another, then another ect...
Mother gets mad at us for blazing, drinking, doing drugs all the time. We learn't it from him, her lover, he taught us the lifestyle and gave us the reins. Why would we choose another way? This is what we now know, this is acceptable to her, it must be acceptable to us. He got me smoking weed, he then supplied me with it. I was hooked. He bought me cigarettess, I really had no way of getting them before. He bought me alcohol and I drank, drank, drank. For fucks sake, we all drank, we all got fucked up. Everyday.
One night we were drunk and having a smoke on the deck together. After he came inside, my mother told me that he came into her room with a boner and wanted to have sex.. A pervert? This brings me to other times, I've seen him checking out my ass, i've seen him watching me. He made jokes about me and Shane having sex, these jokes were sickly, immoral and very hurtfull. He made me feel like a revolting whore. He seemed pleased.
It seemed my mother got jealous of this, in fact, she wouldn't have any of it. Things between him and me quickly got very awkward. We don't talk anymore, we don't smoke weed or drink together like we used too. Yeah, cause that's great bonding. I still notice him looking at me.
Mom kicked me out, because she was subconsciously jealous of me I think. I was finally allowed back over a year later, when my dad had kicked me out and I had finished my court (for shoplifting food) term. I've noticed it seems he is jealous of me. When I talk to my mom he looks angry.
I didn't want to go camping with them, he said i had too. I hid, he saw me walking down the trailer parks and he threatened me and forced me into the vehicle. I stood firm and told him I was not going. He drove me to Anntomates and opened the back door, grabbing my arm and dragging me out of the vehicle. Brusing my arm in various places. I cried because it hurt alot. Then he proceeded to yell and swear at me, shaming me and putting me down. All I could do was shake and cry, he had humiliated me, i felt terrified.
One time me and my friend found cocaine on the beach in a prescription bottle. He saw it and made us show it too him. He proceeded to put some on his fingers and rub it around in his gums. Immediately, he said it was worthless garbage and he took it and said he was throwing it away. He then slammed the door on us. I remember the bursts of anger that came next.
The other night I was telling my mom of my separation anxiety problem. I don't like to be away from her. :( I told her I thought it was because when she kicked me out and so did my dad I felt abandoned. I was then forced into a very independent situation when I was not ready for it (living on my own, paying rent/bills, and taking care of my younger sister). All of a sudden Kevin butted in and said it was from all the drugs i've done, completely disregarding the touchy issue i'd talked about with my mother. He is wrong. Why does he try to degrade me so? I don't know. He proceeded to warn me not to act bad anymore cause I didn't want to get kicked out again. This thought is making me cry, that hurts alot, he is such an insensitive asshole.
voilent
But look on the bright side, at least my moms happy...?
Anyways, I can tell he wants me gone, he knows I don't like him. I wish my mom would leave him, she deserves so much better. For some reason, she wont, sometimes I still think he is drugging her or has her under a spell. She told me she was happy with him and she is absolutely not leaving him. This hurts me so much but I know I have to accept it. I haven't accepted it and maybe I never will. I must leave though, I know this, seeing him with her, it's painful. I see the way he treats her-he doesn't listen to her, what he turned her into- an alcoholic, he doesn't like me- he gives me the cold shoulder. This causes me alot of pain, sometimes I feel so hopeless. When he is gone, my anxiety seems to subside. I know now, that she is not leaving him, and so I must leave. This isn't what I wanted, none of it, all I ever wanted was for us to be happy. This is all my fault, if it weren't for me, he wouldn't be with her. I wish I was blown onto my mothers stomach and wiped off with a filthy cumrag. I want so much for my Mom, unfortunately she will never reach her potential, the alcohol is killing her, it's retarding her- I notice it getting worse and worse.
bankrupt, bust, confound, confute, controvert,cow, cripple, declass, degrade , demerit,demoralize, demote, disconfirm, dispirit, disprove,downgrade, enervate, enfeeble, humiliate, impair,impoverish, incapacitate, pauperize, rebut,reduce, refute, ruin, subdue, tame, undermine
humiliate abase, belittle, bemean, bench, break, bump,bust, canker, cast down, cheapen, corrupt, cutdown to size, debase, debauch, declass, decry,degenerate, demean, demote, depose, deprave,derogate, deteriorate, detract, diminish, disbar,discredit, disgrace, dishonor, disparage,downgrade, humble, impair, injure, lessen, lower,mudsling, pan, pervert, put down, reduce, ruleout, run down, shoot down, sink, slam, takedown a peg, take down, tear down, vitiate,weaken
| deprive of self esteem, confidence | |
| belittle, debase, degrade, demean, diminish,disgrace, dishonor, humble, humiliate, lower,mortify, reduce, shame |
